Within the Shell

Occupying space like an oyster in a shell
The exquisiteness held within, hidden--it must be extracted
The facets so dimensionally deep, developed one layer at a time
It would take a lifetime of excavating to uncover its sincerity
Priceless it has no measure until depravity creeps in
Pirating the shell of its innermost value
Disposing of it after it has robbed it of its chastity
Treasures within sought after for admiration or mere possession
The rarest stone requires a trained eye to see past its façade
Until then it’s locked inside its shell lying on the ocean’s floor--waiting

Me, Myself & I

Who I am is not all who I want to be
Who I want to be a part of me dare not try to be
Who I should be I search for the courage to be
Who I used to be wouldn’t recognize who I’ve come to be
Who I shall become I can’t wait to be

If I Had Wings

When warmth seems to be absent from the earth
And my mouth dare not utter what my heart feels

The cues ambiguous as an unknown language,
Didn’t get a burning bush

The soul records the moments, the flesh marks the scars
While the inner self struggles to forgive

Anointed to be someone greater
Images I see when permitted
I must admit I know of her
How to become her I know not

The adversary is the father of lies
Believe him and fail
But sometimes the arrows come from a friend

Oh, If I had wings!

Awake to Promises

Time’s moving quickly
Won’t stand still now
The evening sun is sinking fast

At a different place
Everything seems to have changed

Dawn chases away night
The terrors have dissipated
The new sun offers promise

At a different place
Everything seems to have changed

Each hour brings its own circumstances
May pass through the valley of Baca
Don’t worry about the sun dial
Dwell in the secret place

At a different place
Everything seems to have changed
But morning will be gracious again—awake to the promise

Calliope --the 'beautiful of speech' Chief of the muses and muse of epic or heroic poetry


Mused

Living in the days of perilous times. Looking out at the world for an answer only to find the world looking back. Wishing for the visual aid of a child’s eyes. Eyes full of foolish anticipation that the dim eyed now have become oblivious to. Beaten down until the elliptical feeling is no longer tangible.

Once reminiscent of little boys with visions of flying and little girls that climbed mountains in their sleep. Every spectra of color flashing with each screen rendering a surprise edition. It must be that a child is lower to the earth so it’s easier for them to look up and see the sky’s view.

There is nothing from the past holding back--haunting at night. Nothing preventing a time for dreams to play out and provide a Muse. Muses that in the morning light manifest themselves taking shape and form becoming flesh to live among us.

I haven’t lived in this town long, but long enough to truly miss the one I left. The friends I left behind—familiar places and friendlier faces. The boss that was more like a friend, my co-workers more like sisters and the town folk that waved at the stop light and chatted at the Wal-Mart. I can’t forget the patients who thought I was special and that put a smile on my face. Yes, I miss Oklahoma!

Simple Times--Altus

A time and place when everything seemed simple
Places to go fewI once lived in a place
Where time seemed to stand still---everyday a parade
Everyone seemed to know your name
Took the time to ask about you
Bored when I lived there
Couldn’t wait to leave
Now I miss it—long for those slow days
To see a familiar face
Craving human contact
Nostalgic it now seems
A place so small caused me to grow
Named for its high altitude
Gave me memories that reach so deep
The lessons learned I hold tight
Friends I write notes of well wishes
Will I ever have another time like this?
Can’t tell—but this I do know
It felt good to live in a simple time in a simple place

Fly Away Like the Butterfly

Healed by the wounds from His side. A child jubilant in the spring, make me light so I can fly away like the butterfly. A lifetime believing in parables wanting faith in what they said. From what place did this anguish appear? Exchange it now for unpolluted mercy--then will my soul exhale. Soon I will be content--let it overflow. Euphoria surpassing natural comprehension. Almost shaken from grace--drifting into the mercury deep. The night knew no boundaries. Humbled to my knees, surrendering prostrate. Chasing the terrors away the morning tears dress the earth’s covering. The ambiance sweetened with nectar. The red bird comes again to sing—must be a sign.

My Portion

I came to the table
My soul was hungry
Hollowed like a drum
Needing to be fed

I came to the table
My soul was thirsty
Parched like the ground
Needing to be watered

The server asked
What would you like?
I answered--rest in my mind
Lightness in my heart
Acceptance--even when I am wrong

He began to pour out my portion
And fed me ‘til I wanted no more

Willow

Long limbs draped down low
Let me lie down underneath you
Enjoy a cool evening’s breeze
Down on the grassy earth beneath you in the shade
Listen to you chime as the wind whips through
Making music from your bodies leaves and
Rhythm from the heart of your trunk
A secret place where I can escape within your shadows
Then slip into a deep aromatic slumber.

I hesitated to post this next poem because for fear it sounded to "sentimentalish", but I think about my brother all of the time.

For my major I am forced to stretch out and learn how to do things I thought were beyond me. Mainly I am speaking of drawing. The drawing element in this field of study is extensive; however, my abilities are not. So, I think about William a lot, and I ask for guidance and direction. He was very talented and mostly self taught. Sometimes I can sense him when I am working and stuck or frustrated and sometimes when I have success. William, I miss you! I hope you are proud, your sis Pam.


My Brother

Did I tell you?
My brother William died
Did you read his obituary?
They had a picture of him in there too

A picture he took before alcohol claimed his body
His eyes were big and bright
His hair curly

The telephone rang with the news
Williams is on life support what shall we do?
I calmly speak, oh momma I’m sorry to hear
Give it forty-eight hours
Let’s wait and see
Let’s pray seek the Father
He’ll tell us what to do

Forty-eight hours pass
He passed away almost to the minute
Tears I can’t find- no not right away
But I can sense his presence coming into the room
I say, William I know you’re gone, for now, let’s all get some sleep

The next morning I rise still no tears
My heart is full of worry
Worry for my mom and dad

As I hurry to pack my clothes
In the suitcase I find the tears
Tears to help me grieve
They come with a wail
And then a holler

Yes, I cried that afternoon
William’s gone I said
I can’t believe it’s true
I tell him I’m mad at him
He left us here alone

He was so young
In the prime of his life
His talents—gifts form God
They all died too

See William could draw, cook and think
He knew things that wondered around in his head
He didn’t care about houses and cars
Just give him a can of beer—maybe his only friend

The law he had little regard—he broke a time or two
He gambled and ran scams
A con man he was indeed
Jailed so many times we all lost count
He would talk his way through

He’s dead—the nurse she told me
When I called on the phone
It’s hard to believe
He almost died at least a dozen times before
But this time it’s true—my brother is gone

The life he lived
No, I didn’t agree
I wanted him to be normal
If anyone knows what that means
I would fuss and preach
He would shrug and try to prove his point

Yes William died—I planned his funeral
A pretty black and white suit
One like from his picture
A white casket dressed his lifeless body

They sang songs and read scriptures
We all said words
His art work I put on display
More than just a drunk
I wanted everyone to know

Yes, William is dead I say as they lowered
Him into the ground
Dead is dead—I began to realize
(Maybe that’s why I started living)

He was just about to make it
His dreams about to unfold
He lost his sight—blind all of a sudden
Maybe that is what really killed him
Maybe it wasn’t the alcohol like we all did think

All he had left was to sketch and to draw
What’s the use of living?
If I can’t do what I love
His talents they were many
Poems too he did pen
Are they dead and buried?

No, I don’t think
Too many nieces and nephews to live them through
Science, math and art--He could even fix a car too.

My brother died
My father hollered
My mother prayed
I wrote a poem he gave me early one morning

He came to see me every night for a week
At first I was afraid
But he wouldn’t leave
Now I look for him
He comes from time to time
I’ll say hello and ask him a question
Then he’ll depart
I miss my brother
The one I told you that died

One of my professors asked the class today about the young people who evidently thought it fascinating to beat up another individual and video record it to be posted on youtube. Her question was to the class "what do we think is going on and is this type of violence widespread?"

Well 20 years ago I was a senior in high school and would have never thought to commit such a horrible crime neither would any of my friends (and I had more than 8 that I associated with on a regular basis). We didn't grow up in the suburbs as one classmate suggested, but one thing we seemed to all have in common was faith. Whether you go to church or not or even believe in the entity, God is still in control!

I believe these are the signs of the times, a time in which we are in the midst of a dramatic moral decline in our society.

This poem is a fond memory of mine, growing up in church, or has it become un-American to say so. God bless! Pam

A Robe for Pam

Voices like soulful angels
Filled the sanctuary
The clapping of hands-- patting of feet
Aroma of hymnals and perfume

The majestic organ--grandness of the piano
The melodious sound coming
From the fat black lady singing
Finely dressed women wearing hats--handkerchiefs

Me, no older than eight
Too small to seem to matter
Possessed even obsessed with
Being apart of these people

Up there is where I needed to be
Marching down the aisle—all eyes on me
Could I sing?—who knew
Never had tried before

What must I do?
You have to be baptized they said
Well, sat on the mourners bench
All week long!
Waiting to feel remorse for being a sinner

Pool down underneath a trapped door
Down in the water I went
Cold—whew, let me tell you
Chilled to the bone
My soul rejoicing
Soon I would be singing!

Measured just for me
Made just for me
Beautiful royal blue--gold sash
The angels weren’t as proud
Of their divine garments

I loved it, I loved being between those walls
Somewhere to belong
I opened my mouth
Wide like a bird
Sung as loud as
My little lungs would allow

This must be
What it is going to be
When I get a robe
Made just for me
To sing in that heavenly choir

Seeking for a Friend

Have you ever been so lonely
So lonely—until it hurt
Hurts like someone took my heart out
Crumpled it up
Then put it back in place

People I know by the dozens
But today I have no friend to call
Silence so still it’s frightening
Even the air is cold
No ones talking or returning my kindness
I’d call someone—if I knew how they would respond

Acquaintances I have
Insincere hellos and how are yous
My heart is sick of empty expressions
Painted on smiles like a mask
Give me a friend
No one pretentious
One to listen and to share life’s turns with I’d listen carefully to their stories

The door bell doesn’t ring
No one knows I live here
The phone rings—wrong number
Again—I answer just to hear the voice
Tears—I have shed all afternoon
No shoulder to cry on
My pillow will have to do
No comfort they can offer—but faithful still

In a world of millions of people
Loneliness can still find a place
A place to roam and haunt
Occupy and feel at home
Loneliness you’re not welcome
But right now I have nothing to put in your place
How long do you plan on staying?
I guess until something puts you out

I think I have something to offer
A friend I could be
Maybe no one is looking
I can’t imagine why
The days of friendship have passed by
New trends take their place
Too busy to offer a sweet hello
Too busy to pass the time by

Old fashioned it does seem
Too much trouble to stop and listen
To see if someone is in need
Pause—hush you can hear it in their voice
Loneliness has a way of seeping out
Out in conversations
Gestures that invite--come in—you’re welcome
Help me put loneliness out

Jonathan loved David
Even more than his own soul
From his enemy he did cover—covered him with his love
Oh, how my heart is full of envy.
That type of friend I have never found
Yet I still look--thinking he may appear
That friend-- to cover me with his love

God Answers

Life’s a tricky thing! We sometimes can feel lost trying to find our way through this maze. But I believe we would go insane trying to figure it out. End up old and alone sitting in a padded room wearing stained pajamas drooling and talking to ourselves.

But be careful what you pray for, when you ask God for a sign not realizing that He is still in control. Child, He will surely send you one—but it may not come the way you think. It might just come in a bundle. (A small bundle called Anaiya La’Chelle) Don’t be dismayed, just remember—God answers.

Anaiya—God Answers

Dear heart honey sweet
Eyes bright as the morning
You calmly made your entrance
Into this world
Like you already knew your purpose

Hair brown like the sandy earth
You took us by surprise
Packaged so tender
Yesterday you were just a hope
Today you are our every care

We looked for an answer to our woes
We prayed for a breakthrough
Struggling everyday seeking
For our answer

Then we found out about you
Life had taken a different course
God the giver of life and every perfect gift
One look at you I discovered His amazing grace

The African mask displayed in the window. I looked at her I admired her right away. Her hair was adorned and crowned her face posed. You could tell before you read the title she was a woman of distinction. It is amazing how each culture has their own signs of status and even more amazing how over hundreds of years and continents away this hair and head adornment still is a sign of status in my world. Must have been taken passed down from the African queens she represents, this lady of honor with each strain braided so tight until her eyes went keen and her skin flawless shinning even in its replication. My heritage runs deep, yet sometimes I take it for granted. This lady reminded me today of some of who I am as she was displayed so boldly in all of her majesty—making me proud.

Hey, African queen
Girl, you looking mean!
Hair skillfully dressed
Nothing but the best!

Your skin flawlessly bronzed
Your eyes sing your song
Royalty you had to be
Headdress up high for all to see

I wonder--what is your story?
Displayed in all your glory
Some say proud even haughty
But all agree pretty—not gaudy

The masks task is to capture your spirit
There is a story to tell but some fear it
Speak to me--tell me a truth
For in you I find a root

Sometimes I wear a mask
Wishing to be free at last
No I am not bound
Look on my feet no chains to be found

But in my soul
My story yet to unfold
Behind the eyes there’s a story
Oh, one day, I wish to be crowned in all my glory

Silence

Mimes as fascinating as they seem must be in a constant state of torture.
Their faces have to tell what their mouths can not utter.

They gesture and move about for others to guess what their silent whaling’s suggest.
Their life is one big riddle waiting for someone to figure out—like a test.

Like a conundrum spectators search to find the piece that will cause this act to unfold.
It’s puzzling—hard to discern, these characters look as if they are about to explode.

Oh, the silent movies of the twenties how frustrating but still enacted everyday.
We smile and maneuver in silence like the court jester waiting for someone to define our way.

I had the "talk" with my daughter Brittney today. She will soon be a young lady and not mommies little girl--how sad, but exciting. This poem was written to honor two wonderful young ladies. I love you Joy and Britt, Mommie

It’s Fun Being a Girl

Pink bows and buttons
Frill and thrills
Silks and satins
Ribbons and slips
Socks with lace
Ponytails and bangs
Skirts and dresses
Sweaters and blouses
Rhinestone jeans
Earrings and things
Perfumes and fragrances
Bras and panties
Pantyhose and paints
Big hair and hats
Jackets and coats
Shawls and wraps
Shoes and slacks
Bath oils and powders
Hips and lips
Curves and switches
Suitors and on lookers
Cuddled and spoiled
Admired and adored

Adorn yourself
Because it’s fun being a girl

Where the Tumbleweed Lands

The picture hanging in the gallery reminded me of Oklahoma. The title said something about a storm. Oh, believe me Oklahoma has its share of storms. You look for storms out there like you look for the tumbleweed that blows across the plain unto the highway.

However, this particular day I did not think about the storms--my heart was full. Driving down I-62 just my girls and me—singing and having fun. Out of no where we saw the storm chasers. You know the idiots who make their living by chasing death—those people whose calling is to tangle with the beast named tornado. Anyway, they were out in numbers. I stopped singing told the girls to turn on the radio--something must be wrong. Suddenly the sky turned black, a wall as high up as it was wide. They looked at me and asked, “mommy what are we going to do”? I said “I’m goin’ ta punch it and you’re goin’ ta pray”!

I drove as fast as I could to out run this storm. Mommy they asked “should we stop and get in the ditch?” I said “in my new suit--I don’t think so!” We kept on driving and let me tell you the wind blew that car from side to side. Reminded me of the time when Paul was a prisoner on that there ship (you know the story) and he told everyone you must abide to survive.

You know your life can flash before you, that isn’t a cliché--its truth. My oldest girl prayed harder as my hands clutched the wheel and my foot floored the pedal. To try to out run a storm you must be either one of two things--crazy drunk or just crazy! I don’t have the habit of drinking spirits so it must have been the other spirit that told me I could make it through--and I was just crazy enough to believe.

On the other side of the black wall the sun was shining as if nothing was happening at all. I looked behind me the wall was still tall it looked like that monster from your dreams when you have eaten too much pizza just before going to bed. Tears begin to stream down my face my heart about to burst in my throat. Just as we were at the edge of town a brush of tumbleweed scurried across the road—that was me just a few minutes before. Where will that weed land?--only the wind knows!

Watching Time

Life’s images—surreal moving frames
My world’s paused
Characters around effortlessly engaged

Today’s scene--no different
Than the one before
Our story—a familiar script
Faintly I hear our song
The melody is still sweet

Muted voices—meaningless acts
Pleading for me to notice
Only our rhythm holds my attention
Anticipating our dance

Eternity’s recording
Won’t permit me to edit
Or blot out this empty space
Hollowed like the abyss

Marking still moments
Physics unrelenting
The sun slothfully ascending
The moon’s lethargic

Joshua once prayed—“O sun, stand still”
The earth ceased to move
Move quickly—I pray
To the long awaited ending
Our own choreographed improvisations

There’s a lesson to learn
Our life’s design unfolds
At the Author’s pace

Still from my window seat
I watch each day’s scene
Leisurely rotate on its reel
Waiting for our time

Between Seasons II

The clouds are so thick until they cover the sun like a veil. They hide what lies behind them pretending it doesn’t exist. As if to say--don’t bother looking for any warmth this morning because there is none to be found.

Creation within itself is a mystery; this morning’s sky is no different. These clouds suffused together making it hard to tell where this sky’s mountains end and the earth begins. Their formation and suspension are a magical optical illusion appearing as if you could climb them and reach the place of eternity.

There is a rent in the clouded veil revealing some light--a small partition that appears to summon you to ascend into it. The opening eluding that someone might be standing on the other side. Someone who has survived and is returning briefly to shout from behind this wall, a message, to let us know it’s obtainable even when the way seems obscure.

We daydream and arrange scenarios through the night and in the morning dare not tell another for fear it sounds foolish. Often we are ashamed that we have visions, dreams or even watch the clouds. Maybe we are not afraid of failing—maybe it is what others think about our failures that hinder us from ascending into the clouds that welcome us, even on a cold winter’s morning.